You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
