I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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