I just made out with a guy for $7.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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