Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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