I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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