I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
