I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
