addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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