I heard we made out
Just cropdusted the office
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
