What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
