i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my being single is dangerous.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
