You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
