I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
