I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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