I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
