Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
