I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
