Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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