i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
