This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry about my life...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
