why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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