they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
