Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
