Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
