so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
