Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
