I smell stomach acid.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
