I CAN MOONWALK!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
