Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
