JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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