I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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