I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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