I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
