The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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