Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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