I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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