It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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