so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize