there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
