Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
