i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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