Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
