ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
