Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
