Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

dude i feel like shit

(413): View more from Massachusetts

well u did eat a lot of play-doh

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(630): View more from Illinois

I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks

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(303): View more from Colorado

Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits

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(919): View more from North Carolina

so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...

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