why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
