i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
