I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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