I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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