Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
