I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
