I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
