Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
