I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
