you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
