Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
