You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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