This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
