No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
