Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
