and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
