I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
