How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
