piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sext me about skeletons
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
