I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
