how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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