Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
