Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
